The Art of Being Human

Reflections on the Wisdom of Living

Over the years, I’ve come to understand that life is less about finding all the right answers and more about becoming aware of the questions that prompt us to look more deeply within ourselves.

We all encounter fear, uncertainty, relationships challenges, things we struggle to let go of, beliefs that keep us stuck, and moments when the path ahead is anything but clear. The ten reflections I’m sharing with you are not rules for how to live, nor are they steps to some destination. They’re simply pieces of wisdom I have gathered along the way. Consider them reminders that help you better understand yourself and live with a little more awareness, acceptance, courage, and openness to meet whatever comes next with more grace.

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1. Become aware of what’s happening within you.

Most change begins by seeing what we normally don’t—our thoughts, emotions, reactions, fears, assumptions and habitual patterns.

Notice what happens when someone criticizes you. When you feel left out. When something doesn’t go according to plan. Then notice the story that begins running through your mind—the tightening in your body, the urge to defend yourself, withdraw, blame or make things right.

Don’t judge it. Just see it.

Awareness doesn’t immediately change what’s happening. It creates enough space that your reactions no longer dictate what happens next. (You cannot consciously choose what you cannot yet see.)

2. Question the stories you have mistaken for truth.

I’m not good enough. I have to keep everyone happy. I can’t disappoint them. It’s too late for me. I should be further along by now. If I fail, what will people think?

We live inside stories like these for so long that eventually they stop sounding like stories. They sound like truth.

Much of what we believe about ourselves and life was inherited—from family, culture, experience, disappointment, success, fear and the desire to belong. Some of those beliefs have served us. Others have quietly built the walls we now feel trapped behind.

Every once in a while, turn around and see if you can recognize the wall you built around yourself.

Ask: Is this wall actually real, or have I simply believed in it for a very long time?

3. Meet life where it is, not where you wish it were.

There are realities we don’t want to face.

The relationship isn’t what it once was. Your body has changed. Someone you love is gone. The dream didn’t happen. You made a mistake you cannot undo. Something you counted on fell apart.

We bargain with reality because accepting it can hurt.

Acceptance does not mean liking what happened, approving of it or giving up. You can grieve it, challenge it, repair what can be repaired or work fiercely to change what comes next.

But eventually there’s a moment when you stop asking life to be different.

And from there comes a very different question: Given what is true now, how do I want to move forward?

4. Let go before holding on becomes the greater burden.

Sometimes we know what we need to release long before we’re ready to actually release it. This could be a relationship that we’ve outgrown, an old hurt, resentment toward another, or an identity we’ve outgrown.

And sometimes holding on is part of the journey too. We may have to become tired enough, hurt enough or honest enough to realize that we need to let them go.

If you’re struggling with whether to let go of something, ask yourself: What is holding on costing me?

5. Listen within to hear the voice of truth.

There are times when the harder we try to figure something out, the further away the answer seems.

We make another list. Ask another person. Search for another sign. Play the possibilities over and over at three in the morning.

Sometimes we don’t need another answer. We need enough quiet to hear what is deeper inside you.

While the mind is extraordinarily useful, not every answer can be reasoned into existence. Sometimes clarity emerges when the noise settles enough for us to hear something deeper—intuition, conscience, the heart, God, Spirit, or simply a knowing we cannot explain.

Learning the difference may be one of life’s most important practices.

6. Stop trying to earn your worth.

Many of us spend years trying to become worthy without realizing that is what we are doing.

We strive to achieve. Or perhaps we stretch ourselves too thin by offering our help when we feel depleted, accommodating to the point of putting our dreams on the back burner, pushing forward when you need rest, trying too hard be the good spouse, good parent, good friend, good Christian, and so on.

And somewhere underneath it all can be a question we rarely say aloud: Am I good enough?

Achievement, approval, money, relationships, appearance and status can enrich our lives, but none can answer that question.

Perhaps loving yourself is not another thing to accomplish but what happens after you release the belief that self-worth must be earned.

7. Let what matters to you shape how you live.

It’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters when life becomes filled with responsibilities, expectations and the demands of everyday living. We give so much of ourselves to what needs to be done that the people, dreams and experiences closest to our hearts often get pushed aside. Sometimes we don’t even realize how far we’ve drifted from the life we truly want to live.

Living in alignment doesn’t require a perfect life or abandoning your responsibilities. It begins by recognizing what matters most, then making small, everyday choices that move your life closer to your values.

Perhaps the question worth asking is: How much of what truly matters is reflected in the way I live?

8. You cannot control life, but you can participate in it.

We try to control because uncertainty is frightening.

We rehearse conversations that haven’t happened… worry about what our children will do… or try to anticipate every problem.

But control doesn’t remove uncertainty. Sometimes it simply exhausts us while we wait for uncertainty to disappear.

There is another place between helplessness and control: participation.

Our power was never in controlling everything that happens. It’s how we choose to meet what happens next.

9. Become more present to the people and life around you.

We can be physically present with someone while our minds are somewhere else, missing moments of connection that may never come again.

Being present means giving more of ourselves to the people, experiences and everyday moments that make up our lives.  This can mean listening with genuine attention, appreciating the ordinary, and recognizing that life is happening now in this very moment. The more fully we show up, the more we experience life’s meaning, beauty and richness.

10. There is nowhere to arrive—only a deeper way of being here.

We imagine that someday we’ll finally “get there.”

Healed enough. Successful enough. Spiritual enough. Secure enough. Wise enough.

Then something triggers us and once again and we fall into our old patterns, forgetting everything we thought we had learned.

Maybe that isn’t failure. Maybe that is part of the journey.

We learn, forget, awaken, struggle, laugh, grieve, begin again and continue the path of becoming.

Wisdom may ultimately be less about reaching some perfected version of ourselves and more about becoming increasingly able to return—to awareness, to ourselves, to one another, to God or whatever we hold sacred, and to the life that is right here.

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As you read through these reflections, perhaps one or two spoke to something you’re struggling with in your own life right now. That may be enough. You don’t have to work on everything at once or have everything figured out. I certainly don’t. I continue to learn, question, struggle, let go, rediscover and begin again just like everyone else.

Maybe that’s part of what this journey is about—not arriving but becoming a little more aware of who you are, how you’re living, and what life may be asking of you right now.